My broken dreams and abilities seemed to fall piece by piece like fragments slipping from a shattered mirror. I had begun to mourn the passage of the person I had thought myself to be.
It had started well, my living with infirmity. I’d said, “It’s okay, Lord, and felt I’d meant it. He’d promised to show His strength in weakness. I was willing to have it be His strength that showed. We had an unique closeness in those days. I didn’t mind limiting activities to save my strength for things I had to do. I had prayed to be a good wife and mother. And very specially I had asked to be kept sweet and loving all my days. Then I was shattered by people who kindly told me that rejoicing in illness and “holding on to it” requires a “sick mentality,” and if I weren’t healed I wasn’t “believing right.” I thought I’d learned my earlier lessons well: That God could be glorified even as He subtracts what He allows to be removed. I thought that God was putting me in a quiet place to read His Word and commune with Him. Perhaps I could learn to write for Him. At first I had known definitely that He would care for me— —no matter what. The came Phase Two with its miserable comforters who carelessly smashed my serenity. Then came the depression and the sense of —being nothing. It’s almost funny. Long ago I’d asked the Lord to make me nothing if that is what it takes to be used effectively by Him. I hadn’t realized I was pretty nearly nothing when I asked. But now that I am less— I hate it! What happened to my prayer for sweetness and love? Super sensitivity to daily things does not enhance my hampered vision or my fading image of becoming more Christ-like. I don’t want to be some kind of touchy person. I’d rather not “be” at all... I can’t go on like this.
Lord, I know broken pieces are valuable to You. Your disciples gathered fragments of loaves and fishes “that nothing should be lost” after You fed a multitude.

I’ll gather the fragments of my shattered image and bring them to You.

Lord, please remake them into a reflection of Your glory.
© 1972 Nancy Spiegelberg
John 6
11   And Jesus took the loaves; and when he had given 
thanks, he distributed to the disciples, and the 
disciples to them that were set down; and likewise of 
the fishes as much as they would.
12   When they were filled, he said unto his disciples, 
Gather up the fragments that remain, that nothing be 
13   Therefore they gathered them together, and filled 
twelve baskets with the fragments of the five barley 
loaves, which remained over and above unto them that 
had eaten.
14   Then those men, when they had seen the miracle 
that Jesus did, said, This is of a truth that prophet
that should come into the world.

Romans 8:29
For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate 
to be conformed to the image of his Son...
© 1968 - 2002 Nancy Spiegelberg All Rights Reserved

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